Blogs

As this is March (the infamous month in a JET participants life when nothing ever happens) I have decided to start writing a blog. Unfortunately as I am not creative enough to think of my own words, I have decided to copy everyone else’s blogs and pretend its my own work. In March everybody is looking for ways to entertain themselves. As far as I can tell the entire JET population will be spending a full fourth of the month writing their blog. The other three fourths of month (fourths is not my word, it is copied from someone else’s blog – I personally would have chosen quarters), will be spent reading other people’s blogs, travelling and watching Quantum Leap.

Due the number of Toyama jets who write blogs (and the amount of free time you have) you find yourself reading the blogs of people despite not really knowing who they are. When you do eventually meet them I imagine conversations go a little like this… "Hi, I'm Francie - hey, it sounds like you had an amazing time in Kyoto in June 05, you looked really good in the photos - is "Abby" actually your girfriend? You talk about her quite a lot, how is she finding art school?".

One of my friends recently wrote in his blog about how he has been reading a book on mythic archytpes (whatever they are) in society by Joseph Campbell (whoever he is). He says it's quite interesting. Anyway this led him to post some entries about the many different paths of manhood that one can follow. So in a similar vein, I figured I'd start a series of the many possible blog entries that one can write. This is the first one:

1.) The “what I’ve been up to recently in extensive detail” blog:

This common type of blog is like a diary, I think it is written for personal use mainly to look back at in years to come and think, “those few days around late February/ early March 2006 were good, but not as good the greatest day ever which was 23rd February 2006, Oh man, that was a totally awesome day!”

Unfortunately for those readers that are not involved in the blog writer’s posts, reading them can be pretty boring. These blogs are limited in that they are only really interesting to good friends and family of the blogger and the blogger themselves. Often these type of blogs will contain subtle jokes that only certain people will get (i.e. Ragajuice went on a total mental one last night and started calling my Kocho-sensei a cunt!).

The “what I’ve been up to recently in extensive detail” blog can be entertaining if entries are kept brief and more importantly, if something genuinely interesting has happened in the blogger’s life. For example if they went on a crazy scooter adventure and ended up sleeping in a park in the freezing cold, an amusing incident occurred involving the theft of one’s bento lunch, or if they went to Mexico for “spring break”, got totally wasted, and ended up having “Thug Life” tattooed across their naval.

2.) The “I can’t be fuckt” blog

This type of blog, contains entries such as…..

“got to work... kinda bored.. very sleepy KICK ME PLEASE!”

“feel like crap. wish i had a drink.”

“the countdown begins... 7 days till i'm back in Miami. Hell yeah!!!”

“I'm bored. So bored. Want to die. Onagai. Maybe will study Japanese”

“i think i ate too much.i just wanna go home and take a nap and have it not be snowing.oh god, did i turn my heater off?”

Entries tend to be posted very infrequently, although do pick up during the month of March. “I can’t be fuckt” type posts can be found in many types of blog. Sometimes these entries are only posted out of a sense of obligation – i.e. I can’t be arsed to think of anything to write but I’ve said I’ll post something every week so this shit will have to do.

3.) The “random pointless comment blog”

Examples include:
“Adam's dad Ed has made it safely to Japan and is currently in Uozu.”

4.) The “nothing that interesting has happened to me recently so I’ll exagerrate and bullshit to make this blog more entertaining” blog

For example:

What actually happened:
you saw a random person you fancied (girl or boy) in a bar and exchanged glances. Some bloke pushed you when you were trying to get a drink.

What your blog says:
I saw this girl checking me out at the bar so I strolled over. Whilst at the bar some dick pushed me and spilt my drink so I smashed my glass on the bar and jammed the shards in his thighs. As he bent over in pain, I kneed him in the face and buried my fist in his gut. Then I turned to the girl, we ended up chatting for a while. Before long we decided to go outside for some fresh air, I took her down an alley and grabbed her ass and started kissing her. She he let out one of those, 'stop it, ..no...keep going.' moans. and i ripped her belt off and pulled down her knickers....

5.) The “let’s compile lists” blog

Always a favourite, when struggling to think what to write, many bloggers go for the classic, let’s compile a list of stuff. Examples include lists of…….
favourite Japanese foods, rules to driving in Kurobe, things to do whilst in Japan, American authors, places to hang out in Toyama on a Sunday morning whilst waiting for the bowling alley to open, Gap stores I have shopped at in Japan, and celebrities I look like.
6.) The "fill up space inserting pictures" blog

When I work out how to put up pictures I might put some in here.

7.) The "fill up space inserting an amusing news story" blog

This is a great way to fill up space in your blog without actually having to think of anything to write: just find a funny news story and cut and paste, too easy.

‘Creative plumbing’ delivers beer - 15th March 2006
A woman said she thought she was in heaven when she turned on the kitchen tap to find a plentiful supply of beer.
Haldis Gundersen was planning to do the washing up when she made the unusual discovery at her apartment in Kristiansund, west Norway.
But two flights below, workers in a bar faced the more disappointing realisation that water was flowing from their beer taps.
A worker had connected a beer barrel to the apartment water pipe by mistake.
"I turned on the tap to clean some knives and forks, and beer came out," Ms Gundersen told Reuters news agency. "We thought we were in heaven."
But the beer was flat and tasted odd, she said.
Downstairs at the Big Tower Bar, workers realised what the problem was - a new barrel had been misconnected to Ms Gundersen's water supply.
"The water and beer pipes do touch each other, but you have to be really creative to connect them together," said Per Egil Myrvang from the local beer distributor. He helped employees to rectify the problem over the telephone.
Ms Gundersen bore no grudge. She said "If it happens again, I'm going to order Baileys" (b-boomtsssshh).

Lovely story. Really lovely story.
Note: (b-boomtsssshh thankyou thankyou) is often added in blogs after a shit joke to let readers know that it was indeed a joke.

8.) The "why are you writing this, I don't give a shit, I'm bored reading this, you are wasting both mine and your own life!? blog"

Oh no sorry that’s not a blog, that’s the Toyamajets message board!

9.) The “clever, funny comment on an amusing recent incident” blog

For me this is one of the few blogs that is actually remotely worth reading. This type of blog often focuses on a bizzare or annoying aspect of life in Japan attempts to put a funny spin on it. It can sound a bit like moaning to an outsider reading it but on the whole I find them much more entertaining than your “what I’ve been up to recently in extensive detail” blogs. I don’t want to hear blogs where people go on about how great their life is and what really “fun” stuff they’ve been up to – (like those group emails people send out when they are travelling in Australia – they are fucking boring!!!). I want to hear about random encounters with insane Japanese people with humourous names such as “The Jumper” or “The Toilet Man”.
This type of blog often ends with one simple line that cleverly sums the whole post and leaves you thinking “hey, they’re so cool, what a great writer, so funny, I can’t wait for their next blog!”

10.) The “write one fairly long entry then never really post again due to a combination of laziness and a lack of creativity” blog

So what type of blog entry is this? I think you can draw your own conclusions.

Test(icle)