Legends series #347 Dave Benson-Phillips

Dave Benson Phillips is a popular children's television presenter. He is best known as the host of the children's game show Get Your Own Back. He had also been seen on CBBC on Playdays, presenting The 'Playground Stop' in which he taught the viewers basic sign language Makaton.

After Get Your Own Back ended, Dave Benson-Phillips did a lot of work in children's and preschool educational television, particularly for the BBC and Playhouse Disney, including a role in children's program Planet Cook where he starred alongside popular British Chef Kevin Woodford, and the voice talent of Ruby Wax. Here he portrayed an orange furred yeti called Bouma.

He also hosted a weekly segment on local radio station Splash FM.

Happy Deathday!

Some people have noted that this blog rarely concentrates on what interesting events I have been up to in my life and contains few pictures, choosing more to focus on political activism, obscure “in jokes”, and facebook. I will now attempt to redress this balance by talking about what I got up to last week and putting a few pics in:

Last week I went out to 135s bar in Uozu to celebrate the life of a great man. We often celebrate people's birthdays but I think this was the first time I had ever celebrated a "death day". It was a lot of fun, I think people should do it more often!

The reason we were "celebrating" was that Jerry Falwell, the American fundamentalist Christian pastor and televangelist, had died.



Here is a picture of the great man himself.

I have to admit when my friend told me about the death I didn’t know that much about Mr Falwell. I was keen to go out for a few beers though and I wanted to know exactly what we would be celebrating so I turned to wikipedia for some more information.

Here are some facts I found out about the life of Mr Falwell:

In his younger days Falwell was a keen supporter of racial segregation. He was critical of Martin Luther King and the Civil Rights Movement, which he sometimes referred to as the "Civil Wrongs Movement".

On reading this I have to say I instantly warmed to the man, I mean who wouldn’t be critical of Martin Luther King, clearly he was a cunt.
Falwell also demonstrated his good sense of humour with a classic “Civil Wrongs” gag.



Martin Luther King - what a bastard!

Not only was Falwell not too keen on the blacks he was also opposed to gay rights and alledgedly called the gay-oriented Metropolitan Community Churches "brute beasts" and "a vile and Satanic system" that will "one day be utterly annihilated and there will be a celebration in heaven."

No argument there.

Jerry Falwell wrote in America Can Be Saved that "I hope I live to see the day when, as in the early days of our country, we won't have any public schools. The churches will have taken them over again and Christians will be running them."

Yep, I've gotta agree, that’s clearly the way to “save” America.

In the 1980s Jerry Falwell was critical of sanctions against the Apartheid regime of South Africa.

Who wouldn’t be – clearly Apartheid was a great set up.



A Happy reminder of the glory days of Apartheid.

He called Nobel Peace Prize winner and Anglican Archbishop Desmond Tutu a phony "as far as representing the black people of South Africa."

Again, very true.



Desmond Tutu - didn’t give a shit about black people.


Jerry Falwell has been called an agent of intolerance and the founder of the anti-gay industry who regularly demonized and dehumanized gays and fought against gay rights.

You have to give him credit for that.

In the early 1980s when the AIDS pandemic was still in its early years and could have been addressed more proactively as a national health crisis he swayed public opinion against people with AIDS saying “AIDS is not just God's punishment for homosexuals, it is God's punishment for the society that tolerates homosexuals.”

The more I read about Falwell the more I wanted to celebrate his life and pay my respects to such a wonderful, kind man.

One of my favourite things I read about Falwell was that he recently claimed that Tinky Winky, (the Teletubbie), was gay. He argued that because Tinky Winky is purple, has antenna shaped like a triangle and carries a magic bag (i.e. woman's purse) that he must be gay. He added "role modelling the gay lifestyle is damaging to the moral lives of children."

I've been saying this for years, clearly Tinky Winky is damaging the moral lives of children. He has to be stopped!



Tinky Winky - agent of Satan.

Perhaps Falwell's finest moment came after the September 11, 2001 attacks, when he said, "I really believe that the pagans, and the abortionists, and the feminists, and the gays and the lesbians, I point the finger in their face and say 'you helped this happen.'"

I agree, but I'd actually go further and say that September 11th was soley caused by queers. They are clearly fundamentally opposed to our way of life, and like Tinky Winky they need to be stamped out.



Gays - hell bent on the destruction of Freedom.

I'm sure you can agree that some lives are worth celebrating and who's life is more worthy of celebration than this exceptional man. A man who did so much for spreading happiness, tolerance and understanding in a hateful world.

Jerry Falwell - Happy Death day.

Guns

I started writing this blog a few weeks ago when the shootings in America were the hot topic – it’s not any more but fuck it, a late (shit) blog is better than no blog!

With the recent shootings in America and the murder of the mayor of Nagasaki, Itcho Ito, here in Japan, I thought this blog should turn its attention to this week’s hot topic: gun laws.

After an “Asian”*(1) student in Virginia was able to walk onto his University campus and kill 33 fellow students with guns he purchased legally, some people have called for a tightening up of gun laws. I say to these people that is the sort of dumbass logic that will just play into the crinimals’ hands. This latest murder in Japan proves that banning guns simply doesn’t work and therefore what’s the point!? Admittedly, figures may show that in 2006 there were 30,000 Gun deaths in the US compared with 53 in Japan which is a ratio of 600:1 but that’s not the point. Banning guns doesn’t work and therefore clearly we shouldn’t do it even if facts do show that it significantly reduces the number of gun related deaths.

It doesn’t take a study to realise that a well armed citizenry helps REDUCE violence (so rather than do a study lets just take that as fact). I propose that everyone be given a gun,…. kids, women, pensioners, babies, disabled’s, blacks…. everyone. And before you say “Bazza, you’ve lost your mind, how can you give all those people guns!?” think about it…. criminals freely admit that the fact that some people may carry concealed guns makes them really nervous about picking out a potential victim. Just think, Granny may be packing a Kimber custom 45!

Bottom line, CRIMINALS DO NOT WANT TO FACE ARMED VICTIMS, THEREFORE GIVE EVERYONE A GUN!

The way I see it, if you wanna stay unarmed, that’s your choice,….. but if you become a statistic, don’t come crying to me. You’ve been warned, now get yourself a gun and stop crying like a girl.

I blame this whole outcry about guns on the mainstream media’s liberal/socialist agenda. What these liberal pansies need to learn is that gun bans don't work and it's simple to understand. The proof is in Nagasaki. A criminal, without regard for the total ban on firearms in Japan, shot and killed the Mayor of that city. I mean yeah you may point out that was just one incident and point to the respective gun related deaths in both countries as evidence that gun bans do work, but then you’d just be being a liberal pussy!

For me, Gun Free Zones are potential slaughterhouses for those with evil intent. I reckon that guy Cho probably laughed to himself as he read the "Gun Free Zone" signs when he entered the University buildings. Had the sign read “Gun Zone” then I don’t think he would have been laughing quite so hard!

I wonder if we would have all this gun grabbing bullshit if instead of using a gun, he waited outside with a car or truck and when there were enough victims on the street/sidewalk he ran them all down and killed 30 to 40. Would we be banning cars/trucks? Would we be banning tires? Would News sites be printing headlines where the car/truck was purchased??

I don’t think so, do you!!! – what is it with this prejudice towards guns!

Yeah sure some people may say “hey Bazza, that’s a fucking retarded comparison as cars and trucks serve the useful function of transporting billions of people and goods around the world whereas guns are designed pretty much solely for killing people.” I say to these people “fuck off and stop using reason you fucking logical thinking cunts!”

You can’t blame the gun or the car – if you ban guns you’ll have to end up banning every potential murder weapon - the person did this act and nothing else (it wasn’t the guns fault!) – take away his gun and he could have done it just as easily with another weapon – like a 15th Century Cinquedea sword*(2)

The point is that everyone should be required to carry a gun. This massacre in Virginia was the direct result of the gun ban laws. I mean you may to think it is better to focus on the psychological factors that drove this student to want to murder dozens of his peers and himself, but that is missing the point. Clearly the main reason this tragedy happened was the gun control laws at the university! By disarming the entire student body and faculty at the university, these laws enabled this wacko to gun down those students like turkeys at a turkey shoot. If someone at VA Tech had a gun, they would have been able to combat the shooter and prevent this disaster.

No maybe about it. Giving people guns prevents gun related deaths!

I can point to a perfect example of gun control. In Atlanta after some negros showed up after Katrina there was an obvious rise in the crime rate. Breaking and entering.... and you know what happened!? They were shot dead.....justifiable homocide, no charges filed. Guess what? It stopped. If that's not "control" I don't know what is.

"there's nothing wrong with shooting.....as long as the right people are getting shot"　(i.e. Blacks)
. - Dirty Harry

I keep my guns and I will shoot to kill. If it means the odd easily preventable death of a family member through some gun related accident (of which there are thousands each year) then so be it. Everyone owning a gun is the best way we can all be protected, and it is MY duty to protect myself and my family. Period.

I hold exactly the same view with safety around the World – if every country owned weapons of mass destruction then we’d all be much safer as no-one would dare attack anyone else, because remember….. Granny could be packing a Kimber custom 45 or Afghanistan could have its own nuclear weapon! If everyone was armed we’d all be much safer!

It is for this reason, because I am a lover of peace and freedom, that I fully support the U.S. and British troops in their mission in Iraq…..

No wait a minute…, hang on…..





* (1) note: it is important to point out that the killer was an “Asian”, or as I prefer, slitty eyed yellow monkey

* (2) The 15th Century Cinquedea is so named because of its five-finger wide blade at the hilt. The Cinquedea was designed to use force to penetrate gaps in armor plate, with the width of blade giving the weapon its strength.

* (3) I would like to thank some of the bloggers on www.cbsnews.com for providing the inspiration for this blog. Without their completely retarded views this post would not have been possible.

Is it me or are stupid conversations between two people you don’t know not that interesting or amusing?


When poking goes wrong……

Some bird: i've been poking somebody else
i just wanted to let you know so you didn't hear it from another

Bazza: what the fuck!!!??? who????

Some bird: it doesn't matter, bazza
don't get all crazy

Bazza: just fucking tell me

Some bird: it's not going to make you feel any better
i'll still poke you if you want

Bazza: i have to know

Some bird: i don't want you hurting anyone.
i know how you get

Bazza: is it male?

Some bird: which one?

Bazza: the poker

Some bird: ummm....yeah...not just one poker

Bazza: how many?
have u been getting DP'd (double poked?)

Some bird: sometimes
they just come from everywhere, all the time
it's exhausting
look, i'm getting upset
i gotta go

Bazza: you're upset!!!? how do u think i feel!!!?

Some bird: deal with it bazza!!!!
you knew what kind of girl i was when you started poking me!!!
but you thought your poke was sooooo good i'd never want another
well it isn't enough!!!
im sorry but you made me say it

Bazza: u saying my poker is too small?

Some bird: no of course not
amazingly, your poker is identical to everyone else

Bazza: u've got some serious poking issues u need to deal with

Some bird: i know
i'm so fucked up

Bazza: i thought we could have had a nice healthy poking relationship
but you had to go ruin it didn't you!

Some bird: nonono
we can still poke

Bazza: its not the same

Some bird: i didnt mean to hurt you
i just wanted to poke you
and everyone else

Bazza: it started with a poke, and now you’ve turned me into a joke

Some bird: maybe if you had taken time to understand my interests and activities, it would have been different, but you just wanted to poke
and this is what you get

Bazza: i just don' t think you take it seriously enough
to you it's all just one big poke joke

Some bird: oh no you dont
if there is one thing in life i take seriously
it's poking

Bazza: u can't just go around poking people willy nilly and not thinking about the consequences
i mean have u even thought about protection?

Some bird: look, i don't poke those kind of people
I’m just sick of this, the secrets, the lies, I don’t want to feel like this anymore
always poking
thinking about poking

Bazza: what is it that you really want?

Some bird: i don't know
i just have this poke-shaped hole that i can never seem to fill

Bazza: it used to be such fun
those days when we'd just poke each other all day long

Some bird: no use getting all nostalgic
we can't go back there
we were different people then
we have to deal with now

Bazza: i can't talk about this anymore
it upsets me too much

Some bird: fine
i was leaving anywy

Bazza: its over

Some bird: whatever

As I have been inundated with questions as to when I am going to update the blog I thought I would take this opportunity (exam week so no classes at school) to do so. In the time since the last post I’ve started writing a few entries but then I normally just get bored half way through and think this is shit, I can’t be arsed, I’ll go and check the facebook home page instead….

I’ll get there and then think……

Better return these 17 pokes I’ve just received……

Ahh I see Bevin Nyarlathotep Dunlevy has joined the group “People Who Always Have To Spell Their Names For Other People” (10:27am)

Sarah Taylor has removed "Free Willy 2: The Adventure Home" from her list of favourite movies. (10.31am)

Oh and Ben Randall has written on my wall. (10:39am) “dont ignore me you little cunt”.

(pretty much the exact same shit joke I used in the last entry that)

I blame the internet – it has a mesmerising power of distraction. There are just so many ways to spend a day at “work” – facebook, toyamajets, gmail chat, msn, wikipedia, online chess, guardian online, youtube - are just some of the examples that fill my time.

The trouble is that although I don’t feel bored while I’m switching between these various sites, afterwards, I kind of think “was that remotely productive or am I wasting my life” (A bit like how one might feel after watching an episode of Big Brother). I could have been studying Japanese, or writing my blog, or preparing lessons……

This web-surfing is seriously addictive – at any one time I’ll have about 8 different windows open and it’ll feel as though I’m really busy even though I actually have absolutely nothing of importance going on! At the end of the day I’ll look back and think “shit I had no time to write my blog today, or reply to those wall messages or emails I got, or buy my mum’s birthday present, or prepare that hanko sheet for tomorrow’s 2-5 class. I was just too busy!!!”

Anyway, my plan for this morning is to finish off some of those blog entries I’ve started before I get distracted again….

Oh fuck!!! Death Metal Hell has just taken my queen.......